Hidden Brain Damage
Of the many psychometric devices designed
to measure the dimensions of human variation, the Hidden Brain Damage
Scale stands alone as the only instrument capable of predicting preference
for pimento loaf. For this reason, and despite the sizable revenues
that might accrue from the copyright, we offer the scale here for public
consumption. It was authored in a flurry of graduate school insight
some years ago by Robin R. Vallacher, Christopher Gilbert, and myself. Although a true-false format is recommended, we have found that many
test-takers opt for the response of getting tangled up in the drapery.
1. People tell me one
thing one day and out the other.
2. I can't unclasp my hands.
3. I can wear my shirts as pants.
4. I feel as much like I did
yesterday as I do today.
5. I always lick the fronts of
6. I often mistake my hands for
7. I'd rather eat soap than little
8. I never liked room temperature.
9. I line my pockets with hot
10. My throat is closer than
11. I can smell my nose hairs.
1 2. I'm being followed by a
pair of boxer shorts.
13. Most things are better eaten
14. Likes and dislikes are among
15. Pudding without raisins is
no pudding at all.
16. My patio is covered with
a killer frost.
17. I've lost all sensation in
18. I try to swallow at least
three times a day.
19. My best friend is a social
20. I've always known when to
close my eyes.
21. My squirrels don't know where
I am tonight.
22. Little can be said for Luxembourg.
23. No napkin is sanitary enough
24. I walk this way because I
25. Walls impede my progress.
26. I can't find all my marmots.
27. There's only one thing for
28. My uncle is as stupid as
29. I can pet animals by the
30. My toes are numbered.
31. Man's reach should exceed
32. People tell me I'm deaf.
33. My beaver won't go near the
34. I can find my ears, but I
have to look.
35. I'd rather go to work than
36. Armenians are comical in
full battle dress.
37. I don't like any of my loved
Vallacher, R. R., Gilbert, C., & Wegner, D. M. (1979). The
hidden brain damage scale. American Psychologist, 33, 192.